Whoa… or Wow… I dunno…

So I had a great Christmas with my family and friends… there is a ton of great news… still feeling lonely, because I’m still alone for the moment…. but I’m happy… and I have a plan… I think it’s a good plan…

 

I hope all of you were able to spend time with family, or at least loved ones… remember sometimes the families we make ourselves are the ones that make us our own…

 

Love Always,

Noely

 

Life.

Life hasn’t been so great lately.  I am working a nice job that is taking a lot to get used to.  Me and the girl split up.  I have no money for Christmas presents.  I am going to get a lot less family time than I would desire for this holiday season.  Things just don’t seem to be going my way.  I feel very confused with every aspect of my life especially who exactly I am and what exactly that means.  But I suppose times of transition are always supposed to be like this.  And that’s what this is a time of transition.  I must stand my ground and look into the burning eyes of the dragon, because that’s all I can do. 

I have to have hope. 

I have to carry the love. 

It’s the best I can do. 

And I am doing my best. 

Never give up! 

I am with you in your struggles as you are with me in mine. 

Love Always,

Noely

Good News.

I got a new job.  It is pretty exciting.  It is really difficult and I am hoping I can get the hang of everything.  Right now I kind of feel like I am letting everybody down by being slow and not having the knowledge I need, but that will come with time.  Right now I just have to learn as much as I can and put my best foot forward.  It is a learning experience. 

The whole gender thing has reached a weird level right now and I am unsure of where exactly I am.  It wasn’t just a fad or a phase or anything like that.  I still feel very fluid in my gender, but it is also a strange experience as I am working in a very masculine arena right now so I am having to really switch gears, but that is how it goes. 

I feel happy with myself right now.  And that is really huge.  I feel like I can be myself around the people I love, when I need to.  I feel like I can share myself with people, but certain people expect certain things and that is what I give them if I don’t feel like they are open minded.  I am really able to be like a chameleon right now, able to fluidly blend in to where I need to, but still retaining who I am on the inside.  That is a huge thing.  I feel accepting of myself.  

I hope you do too.  

And I hope your world is bright.  

Love Always,

Noely  

“It goes that way sometimes, but remember, it goes the other way too.”

http://www.transfaithonline.org/display/article/josephine-what-the-bible-says-about-transfolk/

 

This was a good story.  It made me happy.  Sometimes we have to seek out the good news and the goodness that is out there upon the breast of the world, the flesh trembling as the heart beats, pumping blood and love which bleed, proudly…

Sometimes the words are good…

Sometimes the goodness of the people in the world is evident. 

The world is not good or bad, accepting, spiteful, loving or hateful….

That is people. 

Maybe we should make that choice…

To be love…

To be accepting…

Being Gay isn’t a choice. 

Being Queer isn’t a choice. 

Being Trans isn’t a choice. 

Being Pan isn’t a choice. 

Being Bi isn’t a choice. 

Being any part of that spectrum of the majestic and mighty rainbow is not a choice. 

I don’t even think being an ally is a choice. 

I don’t think straight is a choice. 

I don’t think Cis is a choice. 

I KNOW that hate is a choice. 

Have a voice, but speak for love.  It is something beautiful that will cause our elevation and spark creation.  Hate leads to suffering on both ends… for the hated and the hater.  Hate causes destruction and that will truly lead to our ruination… our condemnation.. our damnation….

Choose love…

But don’t think of it as a choice…

Maybe that’s the trick…

Love Always

Noely

Let’s make love…

I come to you walking on my stilted heels.  I walk to you with my hips swaying seductively.  My eyes are hungrily searching your body as if I can feel each inch of your body by sight.  My lips pout giving me a sultry look that I know drives you wild with desire.  I make my way to where you sit and I crawl up on your lap.  I kiss your mouth drawing you into myself.  We snuggle and I feel your warmth surrounding me.  You are the comfort that I need and the comfort that I desire.  I hope you are the comfort I deserve.  But I know when I wake up, you will be gone replaced by the desperate clinging fog on the windowsill.  

Sunshine

We are at the lake and we are walking along a loosely packed trail of dirt; we are holding hands.  I look at you, but it is more than taking in your physical beauty, I am seeing inside of you.  I am seeing your energy coalesce and swirl between contentment, torment and curiosity.  The wind flutters and plays with your hair.  It snatches at our dresses making them billow.  We reach the top of a small hill and stare down into the green water of the lake below.  There is just a slight breeze that feels good, though it puckers my skin.  I look into your face and I see know fear.  I wish I could live there too, underneath the sea of your progress, ambition and promise.  I wish I could bite into; eat you, like a peach and feel your luscious liquid cascade down my face.  I wish I could be strong for you and never weak at all.  I wish I could know myself completely so that I could give it all to you.  I wish I could find that dream where we dance as one spirit upon the face of the wind spinning in time forever more.  I wish I could love you truly and completely.  I wish I could have you more.  But your an apparition.  You are just a dream.  The only one, whose reality I long for. 

*sigh* feeling lonely today…

Love Always

Noely

Us, together.

We are together in the sun.  We had such a great day.  We sit on the hill and the sun is going down.  It’s a sea of lavenders, pinks and soft orange-reds.  And you hold my hand.  And I hold your head in my lap.  I’m gazing down into your beauty.  I see something I like and in the gleam from my eye the foam of my soul goes deep inside.  It coalesces with what is beautiful about you.  It is something honest.  It’s a feeling, that never goes away, no matter how far you go.  It’ll trail out from you dancing in the wind like a kite string.  When I tell you these nonsense words, when I tell you these silly things, it makes you smile and I die, but in that good way, where life is the lie; we never go away.  

I love you,

When you go to sleep, you awake all alone, but for a tiny note, resting on your pillow, next to your hair-soft head,

Love Always

Noely,