Good News.

I got a new job.  It is pretty exciting.  It is really difficult and I am hoping I can get the hang of everything.  Right now I kind of feel like I am letting everybody down by being slow and not having the knowledge I need, but that will come with time.  Right now I just have to learn as much as I can and put my best foot forward.  It is a learning experience. 

The whole gender thing has reached a weird level right now and I am unsure of where exactly I am.  It wasn’t just a fad or a phase or anything like that.  I still feel very fluid in my gender, but it is also a strange experience as I am working in a very masculine arena right now so I am having to really switch gears, but that is how it goes. 

I feel happy with myself right now.  And that is really huge.  I feel like I can be myself around the people I love, when I need to.  I feel like I can share myself with people, but certain people expect certain things and that is what I give them if I don’t feel like they are open minded.  I am really able to be like a chameleon right now, able to fluidly blend in to where I need to, but still retaining who I am on the inside.  That is a huge thing.  I feel accepting of myself.  

I hope you do too.  

And I hope your world is bright.  

Love Always,

Noely  

When I Die.

Well, I am an Omni-Theist.  So, I don’t subscribe to any one particular religion or belief system, but I try to live, follow and believe in them all.  It is a bit of a challenge, but I think it is good attempt at spiritual enlightenment if nothing else.  But fuck there is so much right wing, left wing bullshit out there that just breaks my heart.  Somehow if you are right wing you have to love Jesus and follow the Bible to the letter, whereas someone from the left wing has to be an atheist. 

Is it true that even the basic beliefs and freedoms are eroded on an almost daily basis?  Does it really matter to me what you personally believe?  No.  It really doesn’t.  Until you force it upon me.  Or until I wander upon it and it is damaging. 

Fuck. 

None of this is what I came here to say. 

I am just thankful and grateful that when I die, I will go to a place that is not inhabited by humans, but by pure souls living as we were always meant to be.  This world is way too much.  And I don’t think I’ll be coming back here anytime soon after this run.  This planet is too damaged and we as a people are too corrupted.  It’s just too toxic here.  It’s not helping my soul gain enlightenment, but maybe just gain scars that I can consider badges of honor, but maybe this is just my human thought on all that.  Maybe I’ll see it differently when I wake up.  This is just a bad dream, after all.  Maybe, I should go back to sleep. 

I don’t know…

Thanks for listening.

Love Always,

Noely

Hi!

I know it’s been a while…. I’d like to say that I have been busy, but not really… I have been doing something hustling…. Me and the girl broke up…. But I get it…. I understand… things are really rough all over right now. 

I hope your world is well. 

Love Always

Noely

 

Big, Big, news…

So I got into a relationship last night.  I have a girlfriend!  It’s been a long time since I have proclaimed that.  There is still some things that I suppose will come forward in the future.  My girl knows a bit about who I am, but not all.  It’s a hard thing to disclose, I suppose.  I am being honest with her, I am telling her my truths, but you don’t head into something telling everyone everything.  I am feeling a lot more fluid these days.  Sometimes, I am drawn to my masculine energy and sometimes I am drawn to the feminine aspect.  I’m not sure how the clothes thing is going to play out, yet.  All I know for sure is that in this moment, I am happy.  I am really, really happy.  I haven’t been this happy in a long time!  We’ll see… but that’s what’s been going on in my world…

Sorry for the bit of absence… 

Love Always,

Noely

 

Yvonne.

Today is Transgender remembrance day.  It is a day to remember all of those that have lost their life just for being transgender.  Today I am remembering Yvonne.  I never met her, I never spoke to her, but she was a blogger that I really liked to read.  I am sorry that Yvonne is no longer with us.  Her’s is not my tale to tell, but it is mine to remember.  238 other people lost their lives this year just for being trans.  This is far too many.  This isn’t a trans issue, this isn’t a gay issue, this is a human issue.  Everyone should be allowed to live their lives and to be themselves, however they may express that.  

Maybe next year there won’t be any trans people killed.  

Love Always

Noely 

Yesterday…

So yesterday was really bad.  It started Sunday night.  I had a great weekend and I was feeling really good and really positive.  I had gone back to my hometown for the weekend and I saw a lot of friends and family.  I went out with this really pretty girl and we had a really cute time.  I really like her, but when I am with her I have to be a guy and I don’t know if I will ever be able to tell her.  On Sunday she made a comment that kind of upset me and I started to wonder if I would ever be able to find somebody that I could really connect with.  I also got an email that had a really unfortunate subject line to it.  And my sister in law posted something that really hurt my feelings.  In short everything kind of went to pot on Sunday evening.  I am having a great bit of trouble writing lately too.  I feel really depressed.  The world just seems so bad sometimes.  I don’t know how I will carry through, but I think I will…

Anyways,

Thanks for listening,

Love Always

Noely  

“It goes that way sometimes, but remember, it goes the other way too.”

http://www.transfaithonline.org/display/article/josephine-what-the-bible-says-about-transfolk/

 

This was a good story.  It made me happy.  Sometimes we have to seek out the good news and the goodness that is out there upon the breast of the world, the flesh trembling as the heart beats, pumping blood and love which bleed, proudly…

Sometimes the words are good…

Sometimes the goodness of the people in the world is evident. 

The world is not good or bad, accepting, spiteful, loving or hateful….

That is people. 

Maybe we should make that choice…

To be love…

To be accepting…

Being Gay isn’t a choice. 

Being Queer isn’t a choice. 

Being Trans isn’t a choice. 

Being Pan isn’t a choice. 

Being Bi isn’t a choice. 

Being any part of that spectrum of the majestic and mighty rainbow is not a choice. 

I don’t even think being an ally is a choice. 

I don’t think straight is a choice. 

I don’t think Cis is a choice. 

I KNOW that hate is a choice. 

Have a voice, but speak for love.  It is something beautiful that will cause our elevation and spark creation.  Hate leads to suffering on both ends… for the hated and the hater.  Hate causes destruction and that will truly lead to our ruination… our condemnation.. our damnation….

Choose love…

But don’t think of it as a choice…

Maybe that’s the trick…

Love Always

Noely