Today was a really hard day. It was filled with a lot of loneliness and sadness. And there was the guy who basically threatened to end my life and I see this guy EVERYWHERE. It was really disturbing, but maybe what was more disturbing was how my mind responded to the threat. There wasn’t any fear, that’s for sure. With the way things are going…. Well, I guess finishing that sentence is probably a bad idea.
I’m really worried about a lot of things right now. My health is a major concern right now. There is something that is really troubling going on in my body lately. It could be nothing, but then again it could be something deadly serious. I really would like to go to the doctor about it, but my insurance can’t seem to get their act together and send me what I need. It’s all very troubling.
There is a friend of mine that I haven’t really been seeing eye to eye with of late. It really bothers me. I know that he is going through a lot right, but we just don’t seem to connect like we used to. It’s really troubling. Like losing an anchor or a piece of yourself. I’ve never really been good at making friends. I have a couple, but more and more just seem out the door, these days.
Next Friday is a big day. It’s a day that I look forward to and dread at the same time. This year is completely different. A lot has changed. I really don’t need another marker showing just exactly how far I fallen in such a short amount of time. I am really troubled today. I shouldn’t be writing.
Some days it is easy to hope. Some days it is easy to love. Some days it is easy to understand. Some days are filled with sweet scented lullabies and beautiful, inspired dreaming.
Some days it is hard to see past everything that is falling apart. Some days it seems like nothing will get better. Some days it just seems like everyone is laughing at you. Some days it seems like they are lying and hiding secrets. Some days it is really hard to hope.
I guess everybody has days like that. I hope they balance out in the long run. I hope you are having more good than bad, knowing more love than hate.
Have a sweet dream for me, please.