Big, Big, news…

So I got into a relationship last night.  I have a girlfriend!  It’s been a long time since I have proclaimed that.  There is still some things that I suppose will come forward in the future.  My girl knows a bit about who I am, but not all.  It’s a hard thing to disclose, I suppose.  I am being honest with her, I am telling her my truths, but you don’t head into something telling everyone everything.  I am feeling a lot more fluid these days.  Sometimes, I am drawn to my masculine energy and sometimes I am drawn to the feminine aspect.  I’m not sure how the clothes thing is going to play out, yet.  All I know for sure is that in this moment, I am happy.  I am really, really happy.  I haven’t been this happy in a long time!  We’ll see… but that’s what’s been going on in my world…

Sorry for the bit of absence… 

Love Always,

Noely

 

Yvonne.

Today is Transgender remembrance day.  It is a day to remember all of those that have lost their life just for being transgender.  Today I am remembering Yvonne.  I never met her, I never spoke to her, but she was a blogger that I really liked to read.  I am sorry that Yvonne is no longer with us.  Her’s is not my tale to tell, but it is mine to remember.  238 other people lost their lives this year just for being trans.  This is far too many.  This isn’t a trans issue, this isn’t a gay issue, this is a human issue.  Everyone should be allowed to live their lives and to be themselves, however they may express that.  

Maybe next year there won’t be any trans people killed.  

Love Always

Noely 

Yesterday…

So yesterday was really bad.  It started Sunday night.  I had a great weekend and I was feeling really good and really positive.  I had gone back to my hometown for the weekend and I saw a lot of friends and family.  I went out with this really pretty girl and we had a really cute time.  I really like her, but when I am with her I have to be a guy and I don’t know if I will ever be able to tell her.  On Sunday she made a comment that kind of upset me and I started to wonder if I would ever be able to find somebody that I could really connect with.  I also got an email that had a really unfortunate subject line to it.  And my sister in law posted something that really hurt my feelings.  In short everything kind of went to pot on Sunday evening.  I am having a great bit of trouble writing lately too.  I feel really depressed.  The world just seems so bad sometimes.  I don’t know how I will carry through, but I think I will…

Anyways,

Thanks for listening,

Love Always

Noely  

“It goes that way sometimes, but remember, it goes the other way too.”

http://www.transfaithonline.org/display/article/josephine-what-the-bible-says-about-transfolk/

 

This was a good story.  It made me happy.  Sometimes we have to seek out the good news and the goodness that is out there upon the breast of the world, the flesh trembling as the heart beats, pumping blood and love which bleed, proudly…

Sometimes the words are good…

Sometimes the goodness of the people in the world is evident. 

The world is not good or bad, accepting, spiteful, loving or hateful….

That is people. 

Maybe we should make that choice…

To be love…

To be accepting…

Being Gay isn’t a choice. 

Being Queer isn’t a choice. 

Being Trans isn’t a choice. 

Being Pan isn’t a choice. 

Being Bi isn’t a choice. 

Being any part of that spectrum of the majestic and mighty rainbow is not a choice. 

I don’t even think being an ally is a choice. 

I don’t think straight is a choice. 

I don’t think Cis is a choice. 

I KNOW that hate is a choice. 

Have a voice, but speak for love.  It is something beautiful that will cause our elevation and spark creation.  Hate leads to suffering on both ends… for the hated and the hater.  Hate causes destruction and that will truly lead to our ruination… our condemnation.. our damnation….

Choose love…

But don’t think of it as a choice…

Maybe that’s the trick…

Love Always

Noely

A lot of really sad news out there today…

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2013/10/family-of-transgender-student-targeted-by-harassment-hoax-speaks-out/

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2013/10/neb-man-assaulted-after-sticking-up-for-gay-friends-in-alleged-hate-crime/

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2013/11/diners-refuse-tip-for-n-j-waitress-former-marine-due-to-her-lesbian-lifestyle/

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2013/10/christian-diners-say-gay-waiter-is-an-affront-to-god-and-deserves-no-tip/

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2013/11/life-sentence-for-murderer-of-cleveland-transgender-woman/

I could find story after story like these.  It makes me weep for my people… it makes me weep for people… These are are brothers and sisters, but they are also my people because some people don’t like gender pronouns and I’m cool with that.  But these are my people… And I hate that bad things happen to them… I hate that people have to die… that people think it is okay to kill… It’s shit this that makes me so frightened to be myself…. It is shit like this that makes me want to hide and never tell anyone… I worry who is going to out me to everyone… who is going to come after me… who is… oh dear god… I can’t even finish that thought…. 

Hate is never okay. 

Stay strong my people…

Love Always

Noely

Let’s talk about sex…

So I am going home this weekend…. back to the hometown….

There is a girl there that I think I am going to spend some time with…

I am wondering if we are going to hook up.  It would be nice… It’s been a while and I am kind of nervous about the whole thing.  I mean we have jokingly talked about it, but maybe that is all it has been…

I haven’t had sex with anyone since my whole gender queer revelation… So I don’t know how that will change things…

Of course they don’t know about that side of me, so I will be wearing boy clothes… and acting boyish, I guess…

Can you imagine my embarrassment if we both got naked and happened to be wearing the same panties?  Awkward… So that’s a weird little thing to thing about… Here’s how I hope it plays out though:

“Oh, look at you, you’re shaking…”

“Yeah, it’s been a while… I’m a little nervous…”

“Shush….”

She makes the sound pressing her lips together as she puts her hand on my chest and presses lightly forcing me down into the sofa behind me.  She kisses me with a tenderness that I have not felt in a long while.  It is a slow deliberate thing, not fast, fierce and animistic.  It begins with us exploring each other.  As if she is trying to decipher my taste.  She strokes my hair and it is a soft caress that feels wonderful, calm and comforting.  She takes my clothes off exposing my body to the slight chilled air of the room.  My body is hairless, if this bothers her, she doesn’t make mention of it.  She undresses and is laid out before me.  She is gorgeous and breathtaking.  Soon we are in thrall, one being probing, exploring, feeling, loving.  There is subtle rhythmic motion that echoes through the canvass of our shared flesh.  I breath deeply and smell her flowered scent coursing through me.

We are one and I am accepted.  This moment is beautiful.  I feel beautiful…

Well… Who knows?  Maybe not… But it’s fun to imagine…

*winks*

Love Always

Noely