The Birthday revisited.

I have been thinking a lot about my birthday.  It was such a great time.  I really felt accepted and I even felt pretty, which is something I am really longing to feel all the time.  It seems sometimes that it is hard for me to achieve that prettiness and that even when I do achieve it, it is fleeting and elusive. 

I got a purse for my birthday and I love it.  I feel bad that I am too scared to wear it out.  It is so pretty and I feel I am like letting it down and letting myself down too.  My true self.  You want to hear a secret?  Well, I guess this is all secrets, huh?  But sometimes at night I curl up with the purse and I just wish.  It is like if I wish hard enough that I can fill it up with the same wish and then I will get to be what I really feel like I am. 

When I was dressed up at the birthday party I was wearing this bra that made it look like I had real breasts!  And that was such a cool feeling, I felt so pretty and right.  Then later other people came by and each of them grabbed my breasts because they wanted to know what they felt like, but it was a crazy feeling.  It was like I had not control over my body that it was really just an object that I had no rights to.  And I realize that is probably the most womanly experience at all, but it breaks my heart.  It makes me cry.  Nobody should have to feel that way. 

I hope for a brighter future for us all. 

Love Always,

Noely

 

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