So for my birthday I shaved. I shaved my face and my whole body. It took a long time. But it was worth it. I felt pretty. I really wish I had softer skin. And there are ways that I can achieve this if I started on hormone therapy, but that is a scary proposition. There are some things I want to experience, but there are side effects I don’t want. It would be really cool to have softer skin, less hair, breasts and even experiencing the womanly cycle would be cool. It would make me really experience what I want to be, to really feel feminine and beautiful. But there are side effects such as my boy parts getting smaller and eventually that leads to having surgury which I am not sure that I want.
I am still in the begining stages of discovering who I am, but there is always lots of pondering. I really want softer skin and better hair. And I try to use products that make that happen. I really hate how quickly my facial hair grows. It seems that everytime I turn around I am having to shave so that I can feel secure when I look in the mirror. One day I think I will see the face that I want to see.
I did have a realization a few weeks ago when I gave a girl friend some girl advice. It really made me feel great and feminine and it awoke within me a realization that everything is largely on the inside. It is all about how I feel. The other stuff is just tools to help me awaken that feeling within myself. I can feel like a girl. That is what is inside. Wearing panties and dresses is exquisite, but it is on the inside that I show what I really am. That is where Noely really lives. I do want to have breasts though. I would atleast like some fake breasts so that when I wear a bra there is not an emptieness there, sure it is an emptiness, that only I feel, but still it is there.
I’m sure I will get there. I’m sure I will figure out what I need. I’m sure I will discover who I am completely. I hope you are discovering yourself too. I hope that you are happy. And I hope that you know that you are loved.