I don’t really know how to describe it, but I just don’t ever feel right when I am on my own. When I go to work I know who I am, well, at least I know who I am expected to be. I have parameters that I have to operate within. When I am on my own I don’t know how to just be. I don’t ever really feel comfortable. When I am with my friends I also know how to act. I know I can act in any way that I want and they will accept me, but it is when I am on my own that I run into trouble.
It’s weird of the friends I have told about what I am going through, I feel like there are some who don’t believe and then there are people who don’t really understand it. I have one person in my life that I think really accepts it and tries to understands it as best as they can and they definitely believe it.
A friend of mine pointed out some stuff using big words that I am going to try and repeat. He said my ideal self doesn’t match up with my perceived self. It was something like that. I really felt like understood what that meant. I really identified with in in the moment. It is hard to explain. I am trying really hard to figure out how to be me in a way that makes me feel like myself if that makes any sense.
This week is going better so far. Of course I am writing this during the day during work time. So I’ll have to let you know after I get some alone time. I really want to try and write everyday for you guys, but life is pretty busy. If anybody has any advice or just something supportive to say I would love to hear it.
Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble.