You ever listen to somebody using the wrong pronouns continually? I’m sure for people without gender identity issues (some people call them CIS (Comfortable In Skin) people, but I don’t like that term really, I prefer GIGAS (Gender Identity Gender Aligned [with] Sex) don’t really think much about pronouns. I’ve started thinking very carefully about language since I began my journey. Language is a tough nut to crack. And simple pronouns can be harmful to people. I used to call all the customers I helped guys. Like I’d say: “How are you guys doing?” That sort of thing, even if I was talking to a couple of women. And in doing research and reading and just thinking about it, this is wrong. It just perpetuates the idea of male superiority.
The idea of male superiority really makes what I am trying to do quite hard as far as society views things. Currently we are living in a society that is male centric and patriarchal. Somewhere in our long history somebody made a line and they said that all the people on this side are men. All the people on the other side are women. And this idea came forth that since there were two genders (if you believe that sort of thing) then one had to be “good” or “better” than the other. I don’t know why people think this way, but believe me mister, they do. (that was a reference to a Sublime song by the way). In our society it is deemed that males are the “superior” sex. So therefore they are also the “better” gender. This is why it is generally acceptable for girls to wear boy clothes, but why it is not acceptable for a boy to wear girl clothes.
If a girl wears boy clothes or expresses dominance or expresses physical prowess or any other aspect that is associated with masculinity then society deems it a positive thing because girl is becoming more masculine which is a step up, because men are better. However if a boy wants to wear girl clothes or express submissiveness or act like a lady, then it is viewed as a step down. A lot of people (usually men) cannot understand why a person who was born a man want to be a woman. For me it is not an issue of what I want, but what feels comfortable. What feels right. There is always a sense of anxiety when I am getting ready to go somewhere because I have to think of my clothes very carefully. Usually I have to choose between what I want to wear and what is appropriate to wear. Right now appropriate usually wins out.
Someone said this yesterday: “I was complaining about my sunburn and my boys said I needed to turn in my man card.” I was enjoying the story up until this point and nobody happened to notice that I got quiet at this point. But it’s such fucking bullshit. What does that even mean?! Seriously, somebody explain that. It was so offensive. And it made me feel like such an outsider. I wonder what would’ve happened if I would have just gone and written Man on an index card and went and given it to him. And I just would’ve been like: “Here’s my man card. I don’t really want it. So am I a girl now?” But that’s not how it works is it? And they wouldn’t even be able to accept why I wanted to turn my man card in. To them it would be unfathomable. I just don’t get it. Words can hurt. I’ve tried to modify my language and how I think about things. Because really when you think about it all this shit hurts both sexes and all genders. We tell our little girls that being a girl is wrong. We tell them to put on their “big girl” panties. We tell them to man up. We tell our little boys to man up. When we should be telling them to be who they really are.
That’s the world I want to live in.